Own Your Depth

 Back in 2020, I suddenly realized that I know nothing. After a long time of searching for answers by way of research and thinking, I got exhausted and finally gave up. My ego and pride had been completely shuttered and I felt like a total loser. This was quite a big event in my life since I considered myself a person of intellectual gifts. I thought I was smart and that my intellectual sharpness would solve my problems. Well, it didn't. I had to find another way. There was so much junk in my mind that had not helped me in any valuable way, just swimming in my head, going on and on and on. In this state, I gave up. I thought it was all meaningless because the quality of my life was a mirror of what was going on in my mind.  I came across Sadhguru's videos on youtube. They made sense to me, so I binge-watched them on a daily basis. I was so desperate to find something else that would work for me, and since I knew my way was not it, I totally fell at Sadhguru's feet. As usual...

I had a religious upbringing. Both my parents are born-again Christians and they raised my siblings and I in Christianity. We had one very important rule, that we should all go to church every Sunday so long as we are living under our parent's roof. I remember not always being willing to go, but I did anyway for the sake of peace. looking back, I was mostly looking forward to meeting my friends to catch up on how our lives are going, and also singing. Somehow I was never fully present in the church, something was not right within me. I had no idea why, but I ignored that feeling and continued going, even though most Sundays I would not listen to the sermon. I'd be busy taking many bathroom breaks or simply just sitting in the car with my friends chatting. My motivation for going to church was completely misplaced. I was serious only when I needed help with something in my life, which was mostly about getting better grades. That was my main reason for praying back then.  When I ...

 I came across the word "multipotentialite," a psychological term that refers to a person who has many interests and creative pursuits in life. I first heard of it on a TikTok video by @jakecreativehackers and resonated with it so much that I went on to watch his other videos. I was stunned at how much I resonated with everything the guy was saying. My career interests have evolved ever since I was a kid. I remember wanting to be a neurosurgeon as a child, then as soon as I got to high school and learnt biology I instantly decided that's not it. Then I decided I wanted to be a civil engineer, maybe because I liked physics, I even applied for that as my main course in university, which did not happen. instead, I chose to do financial engineering because I loved maths, or maybe because our head girl in high school back then had taken it and I admired her.  By observing my thinking patterns of the past, I realize the drive I had when thinking about my career was all external...