Child Bearing: Why I am not interested

 As a lady in her late 20s, this is probably a time to be thinking about having children. I have had some pressure from my family and society in general, people are wondering how come I seem to have no plans to start a family. In my mind, the thought of having children does not even come up. Why am I like this? I have many friends from my high school and campus days who I see all over social media expressing the joy of their new beautiful lives with spouses and children. Yet for me, there is no remote thought of even finding a man to be with. 

I find the journey of self-discovery too interesting. The moment I began the process of inner engineering, it feels like there is so much that I do not know about my own body. Naturally, I tend to gravitate more towards getting to know myself outside the limitations that I know. 

First of all, the way I feel about sex completely changed. This is something I'm still getting a hang of because it is very strange. The whole thing about spirituality is just about transcending the physical. I had no idea what actively going beyond my physicality would mean to my sex life. Nowadays, it feels like the need for sex stopped being a compulsion. I still do get horny, mostly before, during, or after my period. But the thought of actually having sex does not dominate my mind. I feel a certain need to maintain the integrity of my body without mixing it up with people's energy. Sex is a huge exchange of energy, and usually, women are on the receiving side. With regular practice of Shambavi, I have observed my need for sex deteriorating to a point that even porn does not intrigue me at all. When you sharpen your clarity every day with a spiritual practice, you can only see the world the way it is, with no distortions. When I watch porn all I see is just a desperate attempt of trying to make money, how the people acting would rather not be doing that. 

With this kind of mindset developing, the thought of having children never crosses my mind, at least not now. My spiritual progress just keeps showing me that it is better to continue improving myself before even attempting to make another human being. I feel like I owe it to my offspring, to upgrade my software(by software I mean my karma, or all the physical and mental accumulations that make who I am) By doing this I know my offspring will definitely be a better version of me. 

I do not think giving birth is compulsory for all humans, if it were then we would be even more overpopulated than we already are. There is a reason why it is not a must, and I think it's because we are born with certain possibilities that go beyond just eating, sleeping, procreating, and dying. Animals are bound to this kind of cycle, but as human beings, we are more than that. A person who has no inner experience will only look for fulfillment in physicality, which would probably mean wanting to procreate in order to find meaning. On the path of the spiritual, however, fulfillment does not mean just wellness in the physical, ie not going hungry or having enough money or procreating. It means being able to transcend the physical and always working towards experiencing the ultimate. 

I do not know if I will want children in the future. My guess is that when I finally reach the point where I have become the love that I truly desire and attract a person who is love, then maybe we will think about making children. This is the only way I think love should be expressed, only if the two people coming together have become love. That's all for now, thank you for reading.